Smoking Section

he was the nazz

According to my father, I need to be happier. Yes, I am happy from time to time. I would even to go as far as saying that I am generally happy most of the time. But am I truly happy with where I am right now? I don't feel that lust for life that I have had in the past. I haven't really at all this year. I blame myself because I have isolated myself from everyone except Joel. Now, that isn't totally my fault. I haven't heard from anyone wanting to hang out with me in a while. I have no messages on my cell phone, no e-mails or comments. Moving on....
Not much has gone on in the last couple of days. School kicked my ass this past week, I am tired and just want to relax and for everything to be ok. I have been having to deal with the fact that my parents don't really tell me things that I really do need to know. Joel and I have had some pretty serious things to discuss that will affect the rest of our lives, and dammit, I am tired of life being so god damned serious all the time. I would like to have support from other people. Joel is wonderful and supportive, but this is a lot of stuff and I tend to overload him I think. It isn't fair to him, but no one else is around. I was thinking the other day about how nice it would be for me to talk to my other friends about some of the things I/we have been going thru if even to just get it out and maybe get a different perspective on it. I don't know. I know I probably could, but at this point I don't feel comfortable with it....see the entry previous to this one for explanation. I am not attacking the people I know for not contacting me or giving me sympathy or support. They have no idea what is going on and that isn't their fault. I am going thru what I would like to call my "Sarah" phase when I think that everything isn't fair. It's not fair. The only difference is that I don't have a well hung David Bowie asking me what my basis for comparison is.