Smoking Section

bitter? check. sweet? doesn't seem to be here.

I have been so angry for the last few months. I lash out at people that are close to me (in more ways than yelling, screaming, and scathing encounters. sometimes it doesn't have to involve any type of physical encounter.) to people that i don't even know, or want to know.
The thing is I have nothing to be really upset about, and everything to be hopeful about.
My life is changing and people around me are changing and I am not sure I want it to all change. Change is a big thing, and not just the stuff in the console of your car. The magic word is change. You know what to do when you hear it: SCREAM!!!
Settling into married life, not hanging out with all my friends everynight until 2 or 3 in the morning, job hunting, getting used to our very own house and it full of our stuff and my cats lounging around in it, trying to get my confidence and courage that was doubted out of me by that lame ass professor back so I can write something descent again.
I am working on another project that i want to put up here when I am done.
I am also working on that literary zine and just waiting for the design so we can get it up and working.
I don't know why i have turned so mean lately. I think it is because I have apologized for things my entire life, things that could never possibly be my fault (thanks to being forever guilt-tripped when i was a child.) I'm tired of being taken advantaged of and walked over and treated like a goddamned child. So all that building up has produced this.
I'm not sure this is where I want to be.
I'm not blaming anyone.
I'm not even blaming myself.
This is just how I deal, apparently, and you and I will just have to get over it.
So, fuck you (meant to be taken lightly. like in SLC Punk)