Willie visited me the other night. I dreamed about him. He head-butted me and I petted his head. His green eyes looked at me with love and adoration. I suppose I am trying to tell myself that it is okay, that he is okay, and that I love him and he loved me. It is hard for me to grieve right now. I am too busy to grieve. Every so often my life catches up to me and I think about him and finally break down. I miss him a lot. I was reading an article on losing a pet and it said the most painful thing is that our relationship with our pets is mainly through touch. You pet them, hug them, pat them, and when a pet dies you lose that ability to touch them. That was the first thing I thought of when he was put down and they brought him to the back to prepare him for me to take home to rest. I am never going to feel his fur again, never get a head-butt, and never feel his deep purring. He was my first real pet and he touched so many people. Everyone loved Willie the first moment they saw him.
I had another dream that was a little disturbing. I am driving home and I see a space ship. It looked like a Star Trek space ship (probably because I watched that History Channel special with William Fucking Shatner the other day) and I was expecting visitors of some kind, since it looked like a Star Trek ship I was expecting people from the future. I get home and the thought of the space ship is of no concern to me as I walk inside and see a bunch of people I know sitting around my living room. They are there for my birthday, which was at the beginning of the month. It is kind of like a surprise party because I wasn't expecting it, but no one said surprise or happy birthday or anything. That didn't really bother me. I saw two friends of mine there. They wanted to talk to me so we went to the back of the house. Before they begin talking I get a call from a friend I have who is in Romania. She said she would be visiting the States soon and would like to celebrate our birthdays (her is in Feb.) I hung up the phone and went back to my two friends. They gave me some money they owed me (in the dream, not in real life) and said now that they had paid me back they would appreciate it if I avoided them from now on. I either said or thought that it wouldn't be hard since it seemed like they were avoiding me in the first place and then I woke up. Stress can incite some pretty strange dreams. I wonder what happened to the people from the future. That was the part that stuck with me. I was all excited to tell people I saw a space ship zipping around the sky and then promptly forgot about it when I walked in the door. Strange dreams.