July 31, 2003
R-E-A-D spells read.
At the place of my employment, i meet people whose life ambition is to own every back issue of National Geographic, ever. I talk to old men who can afford to send their daughters to private school, but can't afford to buy their own newspapers and bitch and complain when other people are reading the sports section. I have to calm young women who are upset that they have to give up the computer they have been on for over 2 hours so that someone who is waiting can check their e-mail. I have heard stories of how books and videos have defied space and time and just simply disappeared or showed up a couple of days late unbeknowst to the patron. When asked who would have a movie if we didn't, I get dagger looks when i reply "a video store. We try to spend as much of our budget as we can on books. We are a library." At the end of the day I turn off the lights on the books that need dusting, the computers that need maintanance, and the videos that need replacing and prepare for the next week when, two days before school starts, I will be flooded with calls asking if we have the movies to the books the students were supposed to read over the summer. What is so horrible about reading?
July 30, 2003
dusty books
I'm keeping my life buzz at 3, not much going on. In my last hour of work after a lazy day off yesterday. I had to get up early to go get some bloodwork done. I ran into Joel's mother and grandmother there as well for a doctor's appointment. I spent the rest of the day playing video games, watching television, surfing the internet, and reading. I am almost done with the Dune book I am reading. I will probably finish it by the end of the weekend, then I don't know what I am going to read. I may start Timequake by Vonnegut. Well, I have to go and discard some old ass encyclopedias....laters.
July 29, 2003
life buzz
Not much going on today. I am looking forward to dinner at Joel's parents' tonight. His mother is quite a good cook. Yummy food for us tonight. Bored out of my mind lately. I tried writing a little in a short story I started months ago, but it made me sad, the emotions were too raw for me to deal with at that moment i guess so i put it away for the time being. I just want something to do, something to occupy my time and make me feel like a productive citizen. Joel made me a mood meter. I came up with it, really. It is a meter that tells "life buzz" or how high you are on life. I am mediocre at the moment since there isn't anything bad going on, but nothing good either so my life buzz is 3 at the moment. Well, i guess I will quit for now....laters.
July 28, 2003
in the middle
I was talking with Joel the other night, like I am prone to do on a regular basis, and we were talking about what I wanted to do with my life career-wise. I haven't really thought about it in depth with my new situation before. I always thought I would go to undergrad school, then to grad school, then get a job. Now, the problem lies in what I want to go to grad school for, thus dictating the job that i get. If i go to grad school for creative writing, I will be a writer, but probably won't have a job. Jobs in the writers market are slim and very competitive. I am not competitive at all. I don't care that much about how other people write or how people interpret my writing. If they like it, great, if not, they suck anyway and it is just over their heads. Hehe. Then the other option that I have as of late is library school. I have been working in a library for over 3 years now. I seem to have fallen into that profession. I could go to school for that, which is relatively easy, especially compared to creative writing, and I basically have a job when i get out b/c of a shortage of librarians. I am pretty sure I have chosen the latter of those two professions. Easy enough, right? Wrong. Where am I going to go to grad school. I have been going to USM for my undergad degree and it is the only school in vicinity to where I am my boyfriend (probably by the time I get to grad school he will be my husband). Do i go to grad school in the same place i got my undergrad degree? I can, it just isn't really done that often or is looked upon well. But I am going to be a librarian, so i don't think it really matters. I would love to go to a renound school for creative writing on the east coast, but it just doesn't fit into my plan at all. I realized that writing is going to be my hobby. I don't do it much anymore other than posting on this thing. I haven't had any inspiration to speak of, i don't even think i'm that good, especially to go to school for it. I think my expectations were too high and people expected too much out of me. For now, I'm just mediocre me.
KRULL!!!!!
Lazy weekend as usual. We (meaning myself and Joel) were going to go and see a community production of Les Miserables because a friend of his was the stage manager and assistant director, you know, show support for your friends and community theater, but apparently everyone on the coast wanted to do the same thing, and it was sold out both nights we could go. Next weekend starts two shows that Joel basically knows the entire cast to. Best Little Whore House in Texas and a Swing show...not sure what the title is, but it is done by Aquarius Productions, which he is close to. I think Best Little Whore House in Texas is Center Stage. We are going to try to go and see the Swing show friday night. Our friend Sean is in it, and afterward there is supposed to be a big blowout old school party. Excited about that. Parties at Sean's house are not small feats, ever. It is always grand in some way. Joel will get to see people he hasn't seen in a while, probably, and I will most likely get to meet new people. I think it will be good. And I don't have to work next weekend either. I don't know how I did it, but I managed to get two weekends off in a row. Nice if i say so myself.
I have been playing video games as of late. Joel has his PS2 over here for a little while so I have been playing Amplitude and Silent Hill 2 and GTA Vice City to name a few. Oh, and we found the movie Krull (when saying that, you have to scream KRULL!! and make the rock symbol with your hand.) We found it at Circiut City. Special edition DVD with all kinds of extras that really don't need to be there, but it's great that they are just for the purpose of being there. We brought it over to Brad and Shanna's house to watch. We also brought the ps2 over there for video game night with them to show them some cool games that joel has. Well, I think that's about it for right now. Later..
July 25, 2003
UGH!
Yesterday was Joel's and my 6 month anniversary. We went out to eat at a very nice resteraunt and I finished up the evening by losing my wallet along with everything in it, $50, my license, social security card, debit card, insurance cards, Weird Al concert tickets. It made me upset. A lot. My buzz was harshed for the rest of the night to say the least. So i had to get up early this morning to get to the drivers license place to get a new license and monday or tuesday i have to go to the social security place to get a new card. I canceled my debit card first thing this morning, so i don't have to worry about that. So, thats good. I got about 4 hours of sleep last night, up worrying about all that stuff. Since we were in a casino i was really worried about my wallet being lost, I hope someone just took the money i had in there and tossed the wallet. That would be the best case scenario. I called the place twice, last night and this morning and there was no sign of my wallet. Well, I have to get back to work. Thanks to Shan for her help. Love you! I;m out. Later
July 24, 2003
Dork!
The official seal of the Goober Peoples, made by Joel. It bears the likeness of the Lord and Master of the Goober People, Weird Al. Yes, we will be seeing him in concert next month to further boost our status as the Monarchy of the Royal Family of Goobers. Now, go forth and be dorky.
July 23, 2003
pool scraping
Last hour of work. Power flickered off and then back on, storm was raging outside, but all is calm now with only 2 people in the library other than myself and the head librarian. I think Joel wants to go eletronic shopping tonight. Weather permitting it just may happen. He was always the electronics guy. I like having access to cool electronic tools, but don't really want to buy them or own them really. I did that once recently and went in way over my head with a $3,000 laptop. Granted it is a sweet ass lap top, but I shouldn't have spent that much money on it. I am more girly when it comes to purchasing items. Clothes, books, shoes, blank journals (I get addicted to buying them for some reason), hair care products, things like that. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, eletronics.
Anyway, things are quiet around here. Nothing too much going on. Joel and I have only been going out 6 months tomorrow....it seems like a wonderful lifetime already. Things that have happened in the past seem like distant dreams, not even reality. I don't remember anyone else before him, like life before he and I got together just wasn't right. i don't know. I just know that everytime I hear his voice or see his face I smile and feel nothing but love for him. Anyway, enough of the mushy stuff. I do that alot. I just start talking about him and I go all crazy with how much I love him, let me count the ways...oh, well, I better get back to work, I have a whole 4 videos to check in and the people will most likely be checking out more b/c it is a rainy day and god forbid they pick up a freekin' book. Bleh.
July 22, 2003
liar
I had quite a vivid dream last night that someone who was/is very close to me lied to me straight to my face and had no problems with it. The weird thing was, I didn't feel angry in the dream. It was expected, and I anticipated it. I didn't care that she lied to me. I find myself caring less and less as the time goes by about the people I once would have considered my very close friends. It doesn't mean that I don't love them, I do. I feel a pang in my heart when I think about them not being close by to me, but it is fleeting. I suppose it is just time, geography, growing up, getting responsibilities, leaving one life for another that makes these things happen. I just don't really care right now. I guess I need something to sway me one way or another.
July 21, 2003
My Wierd Al videos are right behind my X-Files episodes. Yeah, I'm a dork.
I have been watching episodes of The X-Files with my baby. I forgot how totally cool it was. Right now we are going through the three part episodes of Biogenesis, The Sixth Extinction, and The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati. Damn good episodes that are very, very cool. As I am explaining it to Joel, it just reminds me more and more of the comic book story arcs that he has told me about fromtime to time. It gets really complicated and it is just neat-o. Yes, I used the word neat-o. Anyway, those episodes are really cool and i just thougt they were good ones to start out with. I also showed him the episode Anasazi which is when everything started to really pick up in the conspiracy thing. Anyway. I totally lost what i was going to say. that happens when i am doing this at work and get interupted by patrons. Yeah, this job would be great if it weren't for the patrons. Hehe. I'm out.
added later...
Just thought I would add something else that just came to my attention. There is a kid, maybe not so much a kid, that comes just about everyday to use the computers at the library I work at. He has these "action figures" that he is always holding on to. His lips move when he reads the words off the screen and he fidgets with the figure so it looks like he is trying some voodoo spell. You have to see it to truly appreciate it i suppose. Later...
July 20, 2003
all those concerned
Lazy day. I went and saw my baby in his show last night. He is doing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for the Lynn Meadow's Discovery Center to help raise money so that can build a stage, i think. He is Willy Wonka, of course, and was bad ass if I may say so myself. It was really good for a kids' play. He doesn't really do that sort of show, but I think it went well. I brought Brad, Shanna, and their niece along to watch the play. Joel and I were up until 2 hanging out and I slept until almost 11 this morning. Then around 1 I took a 2 hour nap. I am all rested. I slept the entire day away pretty much. I read a little and played some video games, but that was about the extent of it. Now I just wait for him to get thru with the last show this afternoon so that I can see him again. I was going to bring my parents along, but my mom wasn't feeling well, and my dad's arthritis was flaring up pretty bad in his knee so they decided it was best to just stay home.
Does anyone really read this thing other than myself and Joel?
I have typed about 3 different pararaphs and deleted them b/c I am not sure what I want to say or if i should even write about it. even if I did i doubt anyone concerned would read it. Whatever. I'm out.
July 19, 2003
4 a.m. pounding head
I am at work and I am damn tired. I woke up around 4:30 this morning after finally falling asleep around 1 a.m. to a pounding headache. It felt like a vice was tightening my neck and head. It was pounding with each beat of my heart. I took some tylenol and it went away, but I was still up to past 5 a.m. trying to go back to sleep. It felt really good later this morning when I woke up and my head wasn't pounding. Ugh. I just got through shelving books for the last hour and a half. The computers were down yesterday and they couldn't check anything in until around 3 that afternoon. I had left work around 2. Not much to write about. My baby is seriously tired. he has been doing 2-3 shows back to back over the last couple of days. I go and see him in it tonight and then he has just one more Sunday, which I am bringing my parents to, and he is through with that. I am sure he will be happy with that since it is draining him a lot. Not much going on with me. Nothing to keep me too busy. Just taking care of Joel when I can and when he lets me. We have been watching movies and playing video games. I finally remembered to pick up some of my X-Files tapes when I was over at Brad and Shanna's last night so I can start Joel's education on X-Files and it's mythology. He is interested, which is good. The story lines are very similar to how comic book stories are told, so he is catching on quite quickly. I am learning about the comic book world, so we are sort of trading off our interests. I am on a sci-fi kick lately. Probably all the books I have been reading. Well, i better stop dilly-daddling and go back to work, not that there is much to do at this time. I need to figure out what I am going to do for lunch, probably run over to McDonald's. Laters.
July 16, 2003
Join the bandwagon.
I have been reading a lot lately. I wanted to do that this summer, it just took me half of it to get into gear I suppose. Well, with everything that has been going on, I am surprised I have read as much as I have, no matter how bored I have been at times. I miss my boo-bear. Not for any particular reason, just generally miss him when he isn't in my general vicinity. I don't really have anything to write on today. No much going on. Hung out with some friends last night while Joel was at rehearsal. Had a pretty good time. Joel got off of rehearsal earlier than he did the previous night, so that was nice. We watched Can't Hardly Wait. He had never seen it before, so I put it in and we watched it. It is a really good movie. Very funny. He was telling me last night that a lot of people involved with the show he is doing were sadden to hear he has a girlfriend. His mother was telling him this the other day and last night people were asking if he was single. I suppose it makes me feel good to know he is my boyfriend/best friend. The wouldn't be able to appreciate just how awesome he is and the fact that I was the one whole basically shaped him into the Joel we all know and love today. I won't take all of the credit, no, it wasn't all my doing, but I did at least nudge him in the right direction, I like to think anyway. He did a lot of it on his own, and I was/am very proud of him. He was at the point in his life (when I started talking to him again) that he needed to be swayed either way on the path of his life, and I was just there to sway him my way I suppose.
Anyway, enough of that stuff.
In other mundane news I got my hair trimmed and it is much nicer than it was before. It was taking over and taking no prisoners. It is much more managable and calm now. I even got compliments on the tint of red that is left in my hair from when I dyed it about a month ago. I like red hair. Always have, really. Joel's hair is turning red for some strange reason. I like it, a lot. My stylist is even in on the whole "you and joel should get married" thing. Her mother-in-law works with my mother so she knows all about me from my mother. She was telling me that I needed to grow my hair long so it will be that way when I get married. Luckily I found out that his parents don't care if we have a wedding or not, so that is good. We will throw a party instead and get presents without the hassel of a wedding. Much nicer. What I wanted. Awesome.
Okay, I think I have babbled on enough for this afternoon. I'm out.
July 14, 2003
The League of Captain Nemo kicking everyone's ass.
I saw League of Extraordinary Gentlemen last night. I was surprised at how much ass Captain Nemo can kick. Other than that I didn't really care for the characters. I didn't care if they succeeded in saving the world or not. Although it all looked good, there was no substance. They started to tell the stories of the characters, but then it seemed like that was forgotten for the explosions and the gunfire and the fast car (yes, car, singular, it was set in 1899 and there was a 'car' in which the League could drive around in) and the Nautalis, massive submarine of Captain Nemo's, can fit into the canals of Venice. The suspension of disbelief in this movie has to be large enough to fit the seemingly solid silver submarine in. I think that is why I don't go to the movies or to the video store like i used to, there is no plot anymore, people want to see death and destruction on a very large scale, no room for clever banter or god forbid a story line with characters that have backgrounds and who just didn't exist before we find them ready to take on the world with a bad attitude and a large gun. Never-the-less it was very cool in the special effect department, and I wouldn't have minded watching Captain Nemo some more because he seemed like the only one in the group who had any balls, except for Mr. Hyde of course, but that was only because he was a large, ugly monster and pretty much didn't have to worry about someone beating him up, until some dude decides it's a good idea to drink Dr. Jekell's potion and turn into an even bigger, even uglier Mr. Hyde of sorts. He looked more like a demon from Buffy the Vampire Slayer than anything. The previews in front of the movie weren't much to get excited about. Oh, there is another attempt at being a big Western Hollywood Director/Producer man by Kevin Costner coming out. He should just quit, really. And then the excitement that will swell when the date for Jeepers Creepers 2 grows nearer. Oh, yeah, and the new J Lo/Ben Affleck movie Gili or Gigi or whatever it is that she thinks she can act and do the soundtract to. We pretty much saw the movie in the trailer. Same goes for the Tomb Raider movie. I went and saw the first one because at the time I was in the Angelina Jolie phase, she was hot and intriguing so i saw her movies, then it just got boring so i stopped. Same thing over and over again. Yeah, we all know you are a freak, make a good movie like Gia again. I want to go and see Pirates of the Carribean. I haven't heard anything about it really, and I am curious to just what it is all about. I think i shall see that one soon.
July 12, 2003
What have i learned in college? That it is a pain in the ass.
What to do today? Well, I don't have much choice other than reading or sitting around the house and watching crap television that isn't really all that interesting. I am about to go forth and spend what little money I do have on my prescriptions that i need in order to function properly. Ah, my mom just gave me some money so that I may go and get my oil changed in my car, which is badly needed, but I also need gas, but i think that can hold off until a little later next week. I have to make that 1/4 of a tank stretch.
I smell good.
I worry about money a lot. I don't make a lot of it, and what i do make almost automatically goes to the things i need to pay for, like my computer and car and gas. I rarely spend money on anything else, and those aren't the only bills I have, those are just the ones that I pay. I have one or two other ones that my parents' picked up when I quit my miserable excuse for a full time job because me working 20 hours a week isn't covering everything that I was able to pay before, like my cell phone bill or my insurance on my car or when I need clothes or if i am just out somewhere and get hungry and want to stop for some fries at mcdonald's. But it allows me to go back to school full time, pretty much. Well, 12 hours isn't a lot of classes, just 4, but if i added any more classes I wouldn't be able to work as much therefore I would have even less money that I have now, which wouldn't be all that good.
I started to have doubts about what I really want to do here lately. I mean, what the hell can I do with a bachelor's degree in English. I do not, repeat, do not want to teach. I couldn't stand elementary school/junior high/high school when i was there, let alone could i stand working in one and having to see what i went through all over again in the kids that are coming up now. Fuck that. I rarely had a teacher that I thought was cool, that actually enjoyed teaching. Maybe 2 or 3, but that's pushing it, really. I have yet to really have one in college. It's like its a burden that they are there and that we are there and who really cares anyway? I did want to write as my career, but i don't do it anymore. I have nothing there, the passion that may have never really been there in the first place is gone. The only thing I write anymore are these online things because it is an outlet for me, but me bitching all the time isn't going to pay the bills, you know? I no longer write poetry, if the things i wrote before could be considered such, my attempts at short stories fall considerably short to be classified as anything. Bleh.
I was thinking for a while, and still am to a point, of going to "library school" b/c I have pretty much fallen into that profession. I have worked at a library for the last 3 and a half years. I like it alright. It is a good job, relitively stress free, except the occasional run in with someone, but that is going to happen in any job regardless. But the thing that keeps getting me is, do I really want to do that? And I can never give myself a striaght answer. The answer is "yes" for the following reasons: 1. It is a stable field to go into. I can always find a job for a librarian pretty much. 2. It pays decent and would give Joel and me enough money to start a family and be quite comfortable financially. 3. I would get decent vacation time and paid holidays. 4. it's pretty damn easy to do from what I have heard. The work to get there is plentiful, but in reality it isn't that hard to become a librarian, but i could be wrong.
The answer is "no" for the reasons of that I am not entirely sure that I want to do that for the rest of my life as a career. I always saw myself doing something else with my life, not sitting behind a desk telling people their videos will be due back in three days. I always thought the creative juices would flow and I would do something else, but I don't think i was really a writer in the first place and that I am better off with the books and poetry that other people have written. I have a year and a half to really worry about it. I may not even get into Grad school, and if i did, i doubt I would be able to afford it. I already owe the student loan people my first born child. I was a lazy high schooler and never looked into scholarships or anything that would let me go to school for free. If i had that to do over again I would, because my college career has been nothing to me other than a pain in the ass.
July 11, 2003
Lalala (I don't know the words)
Last night, after Joel left, I couldn't get to sleep. I was wide awake in fact, so I turned the television back on to see if anything interesting was on that I could listen to or watch while trying to go to sleep. I remembered that the History Channel had the Super-Heroes Unmasked thing on earlier, and since I had already watched the first hour of it, I could catch the last hour of it. It was really informative and interesting. After that went off at one in the morning I was still not tired so I looked to see what else was on, and I came across Pete and Pete on Noggin. I know this show comes on that channel, but I never catch it. It was very cool to watch it again. That show cracked me up, especially the younger Pete and Dad, oh, yes, and who can forget the metal plate in mom's head. The episode that was on last night mom's plate became magnitized and so things were flying at her head. It was great. If only humorous stuff like that would happen from time to time in random intervals life I think would be better and much more amusing.
July 10, 2003
What does this button do?
Ooo. My very own blog. My baby got for me. He is going to design it so that it looks sweet, so be patient. I wrote a poem yesterday, well, sort of. Joel really wrote it, I just put it all together. He had a post on another site that had some things in it that could be a poem if extracted from the rest of the post, so I just took those things out and put them in a poem. It turned out well, I think. Hmmm. I may have to see what he can do with this to post poetry and what-not.
I have been feeling better as of late. I was quite pissy for a while there, but now I think I have everything under control for the most part and have a better understanding that things are changing and they will never be the same again. That saddens me, but at the same time it is good. I think it is pretty much time for me to sit back and enjoy the ride for the most part. Ren and Stimpy come on tonight. That show was fucked up. Not good or bad, just really, really, really, fucked up. Well, I guess I'm out now. Later.