Maybe its me, I dunno...but I really feel like if I ever run into a star my first reaction would be a calm one. One where I'm like "Oh...thats so and so" and then I would go on with my life. When Paul and I went to NO and saw Tori Amos she did the usual stage thing where she let people come up and touch her hands. Paul was trying to push me to do it. I just shrugged and shook my head. What in the world would touching her hand change my life? Eventually I would have to wash it and would she ever remember me? I don't think so. I like to stand back and admire. That is what makes me happy. I would love to meet a Tori at a party or something intimate and have an actual conversation with her, but touching her hand in a crowd of many is meaningless since she would have no idea who the hell I am.
I really have anger issues when it comes to stupid people. They piss me off. Judgemental? Boy am I. If someone comes in dragging their shoes, their going to piss me off. If someone comes in and lingers over my desk while I am on the phone with a book company, going to piss me off. This wierd old dude with the saggy pants who says "can I get your autograph" everytime he sees me (because I was on the news once for 2 seconds), got it...pissing me OFF!
I went to the doctor today and pleaded my case not meaning for the tears to fall out of my eyes like they did. He smiled and nodded and referred me to YET another doctor. This time it is a surgeon and it has reached the point where they may have to go in and "check everything out". Apparentally I do not have the dreaded Tietze Syndrome, so THERE Jessica!
Ewww...now creepy old guy is sitting at the table and staring at me while annoying volunteer girl begs me to let her shelve. How many times and ways can I say NO!
The doc did say that since the "pinching" started right after my gallbladder surgery in 2001 I may have a build up of excess (sp?) scar tissue from the surgery. I dunno. I am reaching the point where I don't care. Just dope me up and let me hurt...you guys have been doing it for three years now, why not continue?
My not so much a baby sister anymore sent me a letter. My second to the oldest sister is dating a guy in the army. IN THE ARMY! Can you believe that? My baby...the one whose diapers I used to change, the one who I used to cuddle next to in the morning and give eskimo kisses to. MARRIED?!? I don't know if I could handle it. I still remember her as my baby, my tiny white haired girl who sucked on the two fingers in the middle of her hand and left the rest out. I remember her reoccuring nightmares of dragons and how she could not go to sleep unless her little hand had something to clutch on to. I remember waking up in the morning to two beautiful little girls looking down at me...especially in the summer when they would smile at me and Jessica would say "you still sleepy, Shan Shan?" and I would nod and they would sit down like perfect angels and watch TV until I wolk up to watch them. Then they would cause trouble, oh...I remember the hair cuts, the kool-aid fights and breaking things. I never cared much about those things, though.
Now I wish I had woken up and not gone back to sleep all the times I did.
My baby getting married?
NOOOOOOOO!!!!
God...people are stupid today. To make matters worse I am in pain. Good news is I think I have figured out what is wrong with me. Tietze syndrome. There. Go look it up. I don't feel like linking. My CT scan came out fine, I cried, I hurt...oh what a wonderful Friday night in the hospital. See what your singing did to me, Joel (you were great, BTW and Jess said you COULD spend the night with Paul and me, so THERE!)? BTW...could two newlywed people I know come visit sometime this week to show this computer illiterate wench how to use this thing? PLLLLEEEEAAASSSEEE? Today has been hell with me being three people at once. I am being sent children's questions and adult's in the same area. I am also trying to deal with this silent auction and getting people their stuff. Loratab after work. One of two left. Dr. appt. in the morning. Hopefully good news. Until then.
Okay...this is my first entry. Eventually, if I ever get time, I will fix the links and stuff. Thank you Joel for setting this up! Today has been fairly hard since I had to wake up this morning and gulp down a bunch of dye and white chalky shit to get a cat scan of my abdomen. I'm not feeling too hot, which really makes me mad because this week I was feeling like a million dollars. We all know how rare that is. I am actually already feeling a bit better. When you are sick all the time like I am you reach a point where there is no "normal" feeling in life. The beginning of this week was as close to normal as I have gotten in a long time. Sometimes it feels so fresh and free to be "sick and pain" free I feel like I am on drugs. I was in Wal-Mart last night grabbing some flowers and stopped for a second (in the garden section) and listened to some beautiful wind chimes and felt the breeze hit me, it was so nice. For a moment I forgot about my physical and mental pain. I forgot that the only time I have felt "good" in the past few months was when I was on pain medicine and I forgot the ache I feel when I run out of pain medicine. It has been almost a month now and I have taken nothing but a few tylenol 3's for my kidney stones. I am so proud of myself! Must go now and help people who don't know ANYTHING! Thanks again, Joel!
Welcome to a new weblog, the World of Wings...