World of Wings

Will He Ever Answer the Phone?

Know what? I'm tired of it. I am tired of having to deal with this bullshit. Week before last was absolute hell because the person who was suppossed to come in was "deathly" ill and he did not show up for FOUR days, one of those days leaving us with only two people. Atleast three people had their weekends ruined because they had to work.

Well he was sick!

That is what you say, but the boy had a "fever" for four days and came in a day later healthy as a freakin' horse. I know if I had a fever that long I would not only be in the hospital, but barely walking.

He had no problem coming in Tuesday because I had warned him if he did'nt that he would have to work Saturday and miss Mobicon. Guess who finally shows up? He also had no problem calling me back at home when I called to tell him that and said "I must have been in the shower when you called" even though our boss had already called him that day to ask him to come in and he did'nt call her back.

Today I feel like shit so I try to call him in. AS USUAL no call back and no pick up.

That is why you did'nt get the promotion.

Put on your "grownup pants" as Renee says.

Answer your fucking phone and give a "yes" or a "know". Be responsible and call back. Don't act like nothing happned the next day. Apologize when you are out sick and people had to cancel plans to work for you.

Most of all have a little respect.

Your not the only one around here who gets "sick".

Pill indentions

Have you ever swallowed a pill and it feels like it is stuck in your throat? You swear that pill is stuck RIGHT there! Everytime you swallow you feel it? Want a little trivia info? IT AIN'T THERE! (unless you can't breathe, then you might really want to get medical attention or something) I learned in high school (yeah, I learned something) that it is just the indention of the pill in your throat. What brought this up? I have a pill indention in my throat now and I just wanted everyone to understand what it was when I called it a "pill indention". Wow...I really don't have much of a life!

In other news my doc has put me on Lexapro and it seems to already being doing the job. I feel more awake and alert during the day now. He is also going to refer me to a weight management place and I am going to try to enroll at the gym this week. I don't know, we'll have to see. Walking may be better and cheaper.

Why do these "girls" have to wear big, clumpy shoes nowadays?

I sound like an old lady.

Work is BUSY right now with the kids out of school. Kids everywhere along with the wierdos. Everyone come out when the sun is shining brightly!

Joel and Jess: I got this game and it is called "Scene it?" and Paul says you two have to come play it with us because it is all about movies or he will kick your asses? Got it? Good.

Summer's graduation balloon finally came down from the stairway ceiling where it has been for three weeks and the cats were having a blast with it this morning. It kept bouncing up and down and so were the cats.

I also got a nifty and expensive new digital camera. Ohhhhhh...it is sweet. Paul got me a tripod and a new printer/copier/scanner to go with it. I have been taking pictures of the air...that is how much I love my new camera.

Saturday night was Kirk's birthday so we had a impromptu gathering. It was fun, especially a friend of ours who brought his four year old. She thinks she is an adult and acts like one too. The evening ended for me when I realized it was three in the morning and the Mancala and Chess games that were being played in the craft room by various people would not end soon. Paul had fun and Kirk did too, that is the important thing.

Nothing like a party when you did'nt know you were having one.

Atleast I did'nt have to worry about cleaning up before this one.

I feel like a woman

People are stupid today, especially the ones who come into the library. My back hurts, I can't stop getting hot flashes and my freakin' body is full of rushing hormones. Its the Provera, I know...I just wish my "little friend" would visit on its own instead of medicine forcing it to come. I'm beyond ready to go home and I have barely been here all week. DAMN ME FOR BEING A WOMAN!

In othe news I am seriously thinking about getting gastric bypass surgery. I am going to talk to my doc about it tommorrow. I think I am a good candidate because of my weight and health problems, plus a lot of women get pregnant afterwards. How cool would it be to see a skinny me?

Yee-hee!

Emotional Today

My Summer left today. I was fine all weekend until today when I would cry at the drop of a penny...or maybe just the sight of something that reminds me of her. I know, I know...she's not dead, it is just so hard to deal with someone who is so close leaving like that. Omega has walked around the house meowing all day looking for his Chancey. I need to talk to her, get my fix for the night. She did leave me rum and daquri mix, but I think tonight I will opt to take a loratab. Maybe then I can pass out in our new room worrying about all the things I have to do in this damn house before Wednesday, maybe even Tuesday if a certain person does not learn that he needs to grow up and be a man. All this dust is getting to me and my husband is at work. I feel so lonely right now. I cry when I throw away dog bones and I cry when I look at the kareoke (sp?) machine. I am a capricorn, I am horrible at change. If I could make everything perfect I would move her little ass right back into her room and lock the door, letting her only when we go shopping, watch silly shows and spend our usual time together. She wrote me the sweetest letter wheich made me cry until my eyes turned red and my eyes never turn red. My stairs were my crying place today when I came in as she pulled away because I could not bear to watch her car drive away a final time. I love you Summer, and I miss you already. You are without a doubt my best friend, my sister and someone I respect and love with my whole being. Call me soon, kay? Give Chancey Aunt Shannon kisses, will ya? Gotta go before I short circuit my keyboard with tears.

Busy Day Here

I have added some links to the right in the hopes that I never have to log onto Diaryland again and I can just click on some of my faves. Running now to do a million things because we have been less three people here at work all week, oneday only having two people to work. Summer is graduating tommorrow and moving out Sunday. Many tears, a little freedom...I'll miss her so much!

Hello? Does anyone see me?

Has anyone out there been so frustrated they could cry? I guess this week at work is my punishment for having the weekend off (what a tiring one it was) and next Saturday off. I come back to work head first running into this and running into that. This has been another day where I have gotten none of my work done, but I have gotten other people's work done. I am not saying this to offend, but dammit every once in awhile it would be nice to do the work that is piled up on my desk! I also seem to have a problem with scheduling. Last week in the midst of an emotional turmoil I called my boss on my late day to ask her if she would mind if I took the rest of the day off...I had a million things to do and my emotions were haywire. I was told that it was FINE, but she had a baseball game to go to at five and that would oly leave three people working in the library until for an hour. OH MY GOD! So I came in as soon as I could (at four) and sat in the back and did my work for two hours. But, she did not take in the fact that just the week before we worked almost FOUR WHOLE DAYS with just three people and made it just fine or that this week we are basically doing the same thing, especially tommorrow when I had an important doctor's appointment I just had to cancel. SIGH.

It seems like everytime I get sick or have an appointment I get a guilt trip and we can't make it with only three people, but for some strange reason when I am here we are just fine. I don't know. To top things off my whole week has been thrown off kilter because people are out and I had to go to a meeting yesterday. I was suppossed to leave at 4:45 today because I have to come in at 8:00 tommorrow morning, but that was messed up because of the rain and just as I was going to leave W. had to rush out because her road was flooding. I can see that this week I will get none of my work done...and next week very little because I am taking a couple of days off. When is it my time? I am the only one who goes from place to place so I don't feel like people understand how I feel when I am pulled away from my desk and my work ALL the time. I can never plan to do this or do that the next day because I never know where I will be.

Tears are appearing and I just want to go home.

Yay Again!

Now if someone (maybe the guy playing Axel below) will explain to me the picture process on here I can put a lot of them up at once. What is the difference between embedding and pop ups?

Testing 123

So not only did we have a party for Summer this weekend, but it ends up she expecting, too! SHEESH!

(really she's not, I am just testing how to upload pics!) Did I do it right?

Out in the Open

So...not going into details right now I pose a question:

Should I become a adopted mommy to a ten-year-old boy?

The question is out now. Sunday we are going to have lunch with MIL, GP's and child in question to determine if it would be better for Cliff to come live with Paul and I.

Paul and I are pondering this...at first he wanted it, but now he says he has started going from being "okay" to being "scared".

Maybe all my wishing for a baby has exploded and now my wish has come true in the form of a ten-year-old. See what too much wishing can do?

Tingly inside

Every once in awhile I am able to look at my life and take it all in. Let it sink into my skin everything I have done, experienced and accomplished. Last night I fell asleep doing that. Gizzmo and Frosty politely shared my pillow. While Gizzmo licked my forehead Frosty purred with happiness. I could hear Omega running around playing and Skitty even came to visit for awhile. The birds were sleeping soundly (and according to Summer snoring) and Jitterbug was trying to figure out new ways to escape. Paul was snoring next to me. My house was halfway clean, my cupboard stocked, Summer was sleeping and Chancey was sleeping next to his mommy's bed. Ahhhhh....everything was as it should be. I was surrounded by love and all tingly inside. A far cry from where I thought I would be in '94 when I downed every prescription bottle my mom owned, or in '99 when I was partying my head off and sleeping with an asshole. Maybe this is where I belong. Maybe this is me. but something still seems to be missing. Maybe it is the baby in the next room crying to be fed, the independence I want by not having to borrow money from parents, maybe I want to feel healthy again and lose weight. I have so much, but I want so much. Does that make me selfish?

In other news: Summer's going away/graduation party is this Saturday. We will have lots of wine (thanks to Jess and Joel) and lots of food, but bring your favorite alcholic beverage if ya want to.

P.S. I had managed to forget that I did not get to see my future husband (David Bowie) in concert Friday, until I came into work today and W. just so happened to open the newspaper to a picture of him in concert in N.O. Now I am depressed and wanna go home. GOD DAMMIT TICKETMASTER! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!

Not my fault my spermdonor is a ass

So Dave and Kelly came by to hang out last night and brought a friend of theirs. As soon as I saw him I was like....GABE! He looked and acted just like a friend of mine from high school, I just could'nt figure out why he acted like he did not recognize me. After being introduced to him I realized it was not Gabe and stated rather loudly "you know who he looks just like?" everyone looked at me with short wonder "GABE!" to which Kelly and Dave laughed. Yeah...that would be because it is his brother. It is sooooo funny how some siblings look just alike. I look nothing like my brother and sisters, in fact who would know we are even related? I kept catching myself wanting to call him by his brothers name and felt really bad about it.

The computers are FULL today and people are coming in and out. There are only three people here and I can tell it is going to be a hell of a day.

I talked to my sisters and ex-stepmother today. They sound so adult. We talked about school, life and driving. We also talked about dad and neither one of them will talk to him. How funny is it that my brother acts as though we are all bitches for not talking to dad, but obviously there is something wrong with him if all three of his daughters don't like him. Its not like we all got together and planned it...I have not talked to Amber and Jessica in five years and they figured it out on their own.

Off to take care of kiddies now...Saturdays are hell here.