World of Wings

Rambling on and on and on and on and on

Finished the last HP book and cried my eyes out. I do not think Snape is bad...I think Dumbledore was begging him to it so the death eaters would not. I have always liked Snape's character. I don't know why...but I have. I feel like starting a book. I have thought about it a lot lately. The last one I wrote was in high school when I was 16-17 on a manual typewriter and a word processer. I think I would write about my life...the thoughts I have about the past and so on. I just have to find the time. I know no one will want to read it, but I feel the need to write some things out. I am still not over Bonnie's death and think about it everyday. I think it would be so much easier if she had not killed herself. The scary part is after being mad and angry...I kind of understand her. Atleast lately. I think what scares me the most is I have the same disease she had and it is so misunderstood. How could I call into work and say "Look...my depression is horrible today. I can't stop crying and I don't want to move, much less talk or see anyone." This just does not happen. I am upping my prozac back up to twenty. I don't need my doctor to charge me a bunch of money to tell me that.

Gizzmo has been acting weird lately. She does not want to leave mine or Paul's side. As I sit typing she is resting under my hands on the keyboard drawer. When I get up to move she will follow me and get in my lap. If you know Gizzmo you know this is not like her at all. I am worried. She had a fever yesterday and her eyes are watering. I know her day is getting closer, but how I will handle it is still a mystery. Until then Paul and I hold her and let her get away with murder. Regular words whispered into her ears are "I love you always...more than anything." Is it healthy to love a animal so much?

Cliff is off at his moms for his last weekend before school and Paul and I are celebrating. Going to play that addictive ass "Animal Crossing"!

DAMN YOU JESSICA!

When will it be five?

So I remembered today that I have to finish a lot of “unfinished” business. I need to finish painting the gnome I gave Jessica for Christmas, work on her pictures for her birthday and work on Jessica and Joel’s scrapbook. I also need to finish painting Christmas presents I did not finish last year. I need to look up Shanna’s stuff on the computer. I need to go through my pictures on the computer and organize the new ones and rename them. I took some shots I am really proud of yesterday and I am going to post a bunch of them after this. I took all four of the kids (Clifford and his cousins from California) to the beach and had fun taking pictures of them. The battery in my camera was going dead so I did not use the digital screen for the first time since getting the camera and the pictures turned out better than ever.

I just do not feel like working today. I have a TON of stuff to do and not one ounce of “be responsible and do your work” energy. I go have “I wanna be creative and take pictures, make scrapbooks, make cakes” energy, though.

Paul and I are seriously thinking about breeding the parakeets since they have started being aggressive towards each other. The problem is that we would have to hand feed the babies so they will be tame, but Paul says if he hand feeds them he will not be able to sell them or give them away. My garden is falling apart since I am not allowed (Paul’s orders) to work in it. I think I have decided to pull everything but the roses and the green non-flowering plants.

I am still reading the new Harry Potter book and I love it, but it is hard for me to sit down and read a book for a long time right now. This fucking antibiotic makes me so sleepy I fall asleep if I just blink my eyes. Last night I was enjoying a conversation between Ron and Harry and the next thing I know Paul is waking me up and telling me to go on up to bed. Skitty and Omega had, by then, made a bed in my lap and I did not have the energy to drag myself up so Paul let me sleep in the recliner until he went to bed at 3. Going to look through books now. I do love to read, but sometimes I feel like I could deal with never seeing another book again. The other day when someone donated a bunch of crap books I said “I HATE BOOKS” and Wanda smiled at me and said “Not books, Shannon…donations. You hate donations.” Point well taken. All you motherfuckers who have been hoarding books and national geographic magazines in your attics for 30 years need to take ‘em somewhere else because my sinuses and me are not putting up with this shit anymore!

Picture time!

Doctors and Sick = Shannon

I am so used to being sick that this has not affected me like I guess it should. My biggest problem is all the antibiotics. They are killing me more than the infection itself. Today is my fourth antibiotic. This one is called Leviquin and I have heard many people say it is the worse for side effects, but I am not reading the side affects. The worse is that everyone is saying “oh you’re sick, again” and I would say “yeah I must be a hypochondriac” if I did not have a swollen stomach and bandages covering a gross opening. My doc took a culture and said if it does not respond to the Leviquin I would have to go into the hospital for a couple of days to get IV treatment. I think suffering through this strong ass antibiotic is worth it…much better than going into the hospital.

The cheesy part? Paul’s Jesus crispy aunt and uncle want to come “pray for me” tomorrow morning! How funny is that! I tried to explain to them that I am sick all the fucking time, but to them this is a “serious situation”. Paul and I decided to let them do it if it will make them feel better.

When this is over we are going to bomb the house because my doc said he does think it started from a spider bite.

Work tomorrow and that forces me to be a normal person.

Next weekend if this is over I am going to try to go off my pills (which I am actually taking for a reason right now!)

Wednesday morning is my first training session at the gym.

For your information, guys, I DID TELL PAUL TO CALL KAT ABOUT THE BBQ…sheesh! 

I have Elimidate on in the background right now. The guy (the picker) ran from the girls and never came back. He stood in the toliet stall for awhile and flushed the toliet over and over again before he ran with his shirt over his head.

Going to watch old school Twilight Zone and pass out for the night.

Boarding up and moving on out

Fuck. I know when not to take these things lightly...150 miles...fuck. This is when living a block from the beach is the worst thing in the world. Our weekend plans now consist of collars, tags, gas, medicine, all my photo albums being packed up, sedative for our four cats, small cages for our three birds and a trip for Bogie. This shit is not worth living here...now I am considering moving north.

"I suggest you look at pictures of Long Beach when Camille hit...then maybe you will decide to come on to my house" -- Mama

"Mom...I work at the freakin' library. I see pictures from Camille atleast twice a week" -- Me

See...that is the problem. I see those pictures at least twice a week. I am fucking terrified.

On the other hand my husband is as calm as he can be. This is the one time it pays to be married.

I'm tired. I just felt...

I'm tired. I just felt I needed to update for once. My mama found her a man who fits right in with my family. His boats break down in the canal's too. Summer is visiting. I miss her, but miss her more when she comes to visit and I realize I missed her. Jess is a good paddler. The proof is in the pictures.

Oh…Happy 30th to my brother!!